Happiness

So, I wrote a post about how I usually only post when I’m upset or blue. Then I hit “publish.” Poof! Gone. Ah well. I’ll try to recreate it. I went to reheat my coffee last night and realized how happy it made me to have a microwave above my stove. I’ve only ever had counter-sitters. And then I realized how lucky I am to be able to reheat a cup of coffee that I made so easily from my automatic coffee pot. So many things we don’t even think about during our day. I believe I was very lucky in my upbringing. I lived in the house my father grew up in. Mom and Dad were slowly bringing it up to date. (They had it there just before it burned to the ground.) I remember a ringer-washing machine. I remember a wood burning stove. We had a coal furnace and if we were away from home long enough the house would be freezing when we returned. There was no heat in the second floor of the house. Frost would form on the windows – inside! Dad would take some bricks, put them in the coal furnace to heat them, then wrap them in newspaper and put them at our feet at night to help keep us warm. I suppose this should make me feel old, or perhaps poor. But it doesn’t. It makes me feel blessed. Lucky. I still have a tendency to want EVERYTHING and want it NOW. But I try to remember. Really, I have everything now. We live better today than the richest and most royal lived as recently as the early 1900s. I’ll try not to get into what I think the reasons are:  commercials that show couples in their 20s living in a 2000 square foot house with three wings. Television where first time home-buyers have $1,000,000 to spend. Where even the “poor” people have money enough for clothes, hair, nails. Well, that’s a rant for another day. I’m supposed to be about thankfulness and happiness. We have a tree outside our bedroom window and at night I can see the silhouette of the branches and leaves. It’s especially nice when there’s a breeze and it moves so gently. It rained today and the sound of the rain on the roof was so relaxing. Except for the kitties! They hate it, gigglefit. Puppy ran and hid under the blankets. That makes me happy too. I hate he was upset, but it was cute as can be.  Of course right now I can’t remember what I wrote earlier, but I’ll make it a point to put down my memories and my happiness. Be well!

A Little Blue

So now they tell me I have a fibroid. I’m not sure how much info is TMI so I’ll keep it vague. Apparently it is “huge.” That is a direct quote from the Doctor. “Six by something by something.” Another quote. I’ll try to get the exact dimensions. I’ll probably have to have a hysterectomy. First she’s going to try a shot to see if it will shrink enough to remove the fibroid without major opening me up surgery. I won’t say she’d rather remove it vaginally. I hate that word, so I won’t say it. That was my lame attempt at humor.  My point to all of this is now I know I can, and will never have children. Yes, I’m too old now anyway. Don’t get me started on women having babies into their 60s and even 70s. In my opinion that’s just selfish. But I digress. I am a Daughter of DES. I’ve had miscarriages. The ex-husband didn’t want children. Most of the time I didn’t want them. I think. I’ll never know how much was his input and how much was my feelings. I imagine if I had been with someone else I would have had kids. The choice has been taken away from me. There were a million reasons not to have children and it’s probably best I never did. But it’s that choice thing. I’ll carry on. Be well, all.